Playing games at the beach

Always playing games together

We are all in shock. It was so quick, so unexpected, so sudden, just too awful to think about. It was all over so fast. He was too young. His body was sick but we didn’t know it until too late, and neither perhaps did he.

Seeing ‘signs’ all over the place that I wouldn’t normally notice. Ads for Funeral directors, health checks, cancer council car, bye bye miss American pie on the radio – this will be the day that I die – way too soon to hear that.

Family rallying, travelling from all over
Talking over things, over thinking things
Memories flitting through my head
Crying, consoling, grieving, laughing, thinking, talking, remembering.

Trying to be strong. His wife, his children, his parents, his sister, my husband (his brother), my children, family, friends, colleagues, team mates and everyone else who knew him – all sad, all shocked feeling the loss already.

Being a mother is discovering strengths you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you never knew existed – Sherene Simon

He lived an active life and he was liked by everyone,
not one for the limelight, a quiet ‘get on with it’ sort of guy.
He was fun, he was competitive, he was sporty, he was involved in many community groups. He was a caring, gentle, happy, thoughtful man and he was one of the nicest people I have ever known. More like a brother to me than a brother in law.

Writing helps, words and thoughts tumble and fight to be written.
Running helps, although my heart is in so much pain I don’t know how it manages to keep on beating at times.

Wishing it wasn’t so, remembering that it is.
Live each day as if it’s your last, because you just never know.

Rest in Peace Cliff (1958-2014)

  One thought on “Shock

  1. Anne Gollan
    July 25, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    Debbie your ability with words to express thoughts and feeling we all have had at times like this is profound. Hugs to all of Grant’s family. Memories are so precious at a time like this and I hope they generate laughter and joy with the recalling. Hugs to you special friend.


    • July 25, 2014 at 10:42 pm

      Thanks for your kind words Anne. It is hard but we are together and that’s all that counts at the moment.


  2. July 25, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. Peace to your family during this difficult time.


    • July 26, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Thanks Laura. Your kind words and thoughts are much appreciated.


  3. February 9, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    This is a raw portrayal of the many thoughts/feelings one goes through when losing a loved one so suddenly. thank you for sharing Deb. So sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 10, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Yes it was very raw but I’m glad I captured my thoughts st the time. Thanks very much, it’s great to connect.


  4. April 13, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    So sad … these things tend to stay raw..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. July 22, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    This is very sad x I am sorry to hear it xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. July 22, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    It’s so hard when you lose someone so close and dear. Your beautiful words express your deep love and loss. So sorry to hear. Lorelle

    Liked by 1 person

  7. July 22, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Death and cancer of two friends were the things that motivated us to get out there and try something new so we could do more travelling. I remember them and others we loved who have died by lighting candles in churches as we travel. You and your husband are enjoying life and no doubt your brother/in law would say if he could “Well done you two, Go for it”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 22, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Thanks Suz, I think you are right about that. It’s still so sad especially on anniversaries like today. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts on the matter ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • July 22, 2017 at 9:00 pm

        PS I loved how expressed your sadness and I do feel for you. Why do I always remember things to say after posting!! xx

        Liked by 1 person

        • July 22, 2017 at 9:06 pm

          Thanks for that, I appreciate you saying that! I think of more comments to write after posting, so you’re not alone there!!

          Liked by 1 person

  8. July 23, 2017 at 12:23 am

    That feeling of shock… that numbness but also that strength you find…. well said Deb’s. And I know it’s old but sorry for your loss xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. July 23, 2017 at 12:33 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. A loss like this is especially difficult when it happens so suddenly. I’m sending you hugs and prayers and I hope you find peace in your memories.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. July 23, 2017 at 12:36 am

    This is sad yet so beautifully written, and I hope you can find some comfort in your words to help ease the loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 23, 2017 at 8:21 pm

      Thanks Ruth. Writing it really helped me at the time and reading through it every year means a lot to me. I’m glad I wrote it all those years ago.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. July 23, 2017 at 1:49 am

    Hope you’ve all been ok today and that you gave G&G big hugs from us. This is such a beautifully written post and sums up exactly how we felt then and still feel now. He is the best bloke and we were all so lucky to have him in our lives. 🎶give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me🎶 I’ve had this on constantly today 😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

  12. July 23, 2017 at 2:58 am

    Whew. I don’t know if I would have been able to share a meaningful comment if I didn’t know that you had traversed much of the winding path of grief already.
    I can feel the intensity of your and your families loss. The honesty and depth of feelings that you all have for Cliff comes through in the wrenching staccato tempo of your prose.

    I see the writer in you Deb. I’m also so glad to see (after having read so many recent light-hearted posts here) that you have continued to journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 23, 2017 at 8:20 pm

      Thanks Gabe, your comment has helped me realise I am a writer and I continue to evolve. Your thoughts are beautifully communicated and I value your comments immensely.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. July 23, 2017 at 7:23 am

    Beautiful words Deb, and I’m sure, wherever your brother-in-law is now, he will be grateful that he had you in his life x

    Liked by 1 person

  14. July 23, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    This is a beautiful tribute, Debbie. I know this a few years old now, but I am sorry for your loss xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 23, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      Thank you for your kind words, it was hard at the time to write this but I’m so glad I did.

      Liked by 1 person

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