Shock and grief – two years on


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die 

Love this picture

I wrote this piece two years ago but it is still so relevant that I can’t think of any reason to change a thing.  We all miss Cliff and there’s still times I forget that he’s not here anymore.  One thing I have learnt during this time is that we all grieve in different ways and no way is any better than another. Some want to express their grief and others want to keep it private. We are all entitled to our grief.  Cliff was a major part of our lives and lives on in our memories.

We are all in shock. It was so quick, so unexpected, so sudden, just too awful to think about. It was all over so fast. He was too young. His body was sick but we didn’t know it until too late, and neither perhaps did he.

Seeing ‘signs’ all over the place that I wouldn’t normally notice. Ads for Funeral directors, health checks, cancer council car, bye bye miss American pie on the radio – this will be the day that I die – way too soon to hear that.

Family rallying, travelling from all over
Talking over things, over thinking things
Memories flitting through my head
Crying, consoling, grieving, laughing, thinking, talking, remembering.

Trying to be strong. His wife, his children, his parents, his sister, my husband (his brother), my children, family, friends, colleagues, team mates and everyone else who knew him – all sad, all shocked feeling the loss already.

He lived an active life and he was liked by everyone,
not one for the limelight, a quiet ‘get on with it’ sort of guy.
He was fun, he was competitive, he was sporty, he was involved in many community groups. He was a caring, gentle, happy, thoughtful man and he was one of the nicest people I have ever known. More like a brother to me than a brother-in-law.

Writing helps, words and thoughts tumble and fight to be written.
Running helps, although my heart is in so much pain I don’t know how it manages to keep on beating at times.

Wishing it wasn’t so, remembering that it is.
Live each day as if it’s your last, because you just never know.

Rest in Peace Cliff (1958-2014)

20 Replies to “Shock and grief – two years on”

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