Life is full of surprises, ups and downs and curveballs
Just before Christmas I remember listening to a podcast with Petrea King, a grief counsellor – it was about having an empty chair at the table at Christmas time and how some D words impact us more around special times of the year, like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries…here is the link to the Mamamia No Filter podcast if you’re interested – The Empty Chair at the Christmas Table
D words
The four D words she discussed were depression, divorce, death and diagnosis. This is the blurb on the podcast:
Christmas is often referred to as the most wonderful time of the year. It’s a day that’s meant to be filled with joy and love. But what if you’re not feeling joyful because you’re missing a loved one or you’re dealing with the end of a significant relationship? How do you face the empty chair at the Christmas table?
Petrea King is one of the most respected grief counselors in the country. She’s counseled over 120,000 people living with cancer and other life-challenging illnesses as well as people dealing with grief, loss, trauma, and tragedy through her foundation, Quest For Life.
She knows what’s it’s like to be facing Christmas with a death, diagnosis or divorce looming after she lost her brother to suicide, and received her own diagnosis of a rare form of leukemia.
So what’s her advice on how to navigate Christmas when you’re not feeling joyful?
I was listening to the podcast, mainly for comfort and advice, as in 2018 I lost both my father and my father-in-law and to be honest, Christmas was not looking like a whole lot of fun, despite having a new granddaughter to indulge. I found Petrea’s voice soothing and calming and her approach was just what I needed to hear. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
I felt ready to handle the ‘first’ Christmas without two of my favourite men.
My sister’s call
Around this time I received a call from my sister which hit me like a sledgehammer.
You can read her story here, as it’s her story to tell and she does it so eloquently: Living though not loving the reality
It’s not life-threatening. It’s slow growing. It’s treatable. The outcomes are good.
I feel fortunate.
And not.
Wednesday. I called Deb, my sister, in the morning. She told me she’d dreamt about me the previous night and her sleep was so disturbed she’d had to get up and read at 4am, something she never does. If I hadn’t called her, she would have called me. It’s comforting to know our connection is still so strong.
The day I spoke to my sister, I shared this photo of us for the daily photo challenge I was participating in. The prompt was call someone and I had not slept well as I later told my sister. I rarely sleep badly so it felt strange, and I had dreamed of her as well.
I was about to call her when she rang me. We often laugh about our weird sisterly bond but I believe it’s a real ‘thing’ and this was just another example of it.
My sister and I often have a special (or weird) sisterly vibe thing happening. We buy the same clothes despite being hundreds of kms away from each other, we read the same things at the same time, we understand each other when no one else does.
Today, just as I was about to call her for a chat, she rang me. There are so many photos similar to this one, with her looking at me for some reason, I really don’t know why, maybe to see what I’m doing, to copy my reaction, or for some other reason. I chose this photo to represent our connection today. It’s very special to me. We may have grown up since this photo but we’ll always be sisters. Photo from a family wedding in 1965 with me as the flower girl.
This is not about me, but I am involved as Sharon is my sister, my only sister, my younger sister. I will be with her throughout this, either in person or in spirit. She is one tough little cookie but she will need her friends and family around, and never doubt it, we will be there.
My sister will deal with this in her own indomitable way. She’s strong, healthy and positive. I’m trying to be too.
Pop over to read her post, leave her a comment and please wish her well.
Deb xx
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Hugs…
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Thank you!
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More strength to you and your sister !
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What a dreadful shock for you all. It sounds as if she has a very good medical team to support her and a close family to care for her. I am pleased she is able to see the positives in such a horrible diagnosis and hope that all goes well with her surgery.
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Thanks Deb, it’s been a hard few weeks with more to come, but she is very positive and confident so that must work in her favour. I really appreciate your kind thoughts.
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Deb I’ve just been over to Sharon’s blog and left a note there. Sending hugs and strength to you both. Xo
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Thanks Sue, your thoughtfulness is much appreciated. We both value your support at this time. x
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I’ve been over to Sharon’s blog and followed, commented. It must have come as such a shock to you but that sisterly bond will, I’m sure, see you both through this. Wishing you both lots of luck and fortitude.
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Much appreciated Clive, thanks for your positive thoughts and visiting Sharon’s post!
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Life can be cruel can’t it Deb and you have both had your fair share of hurdles over the last year. My thoughts and love are with you both and your sister is lucky to have someone as special as you. I can tell you are both fighters and positive people so you will face the challenge together and not give up. I will pop over to read Sharon’s story and I’m sending you a big hug and love. xx
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Many thanks for your all support Sue. Life seems unfair at times but we’ll get through this x
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Thinking of you and your sister. Sending warm, virtual hugs your way!
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That means a lot to us Donna, many thanks 🙂
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Will do, Deb…sending positive thoughts.
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Thanks Nancy 🙂
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Great post Debbie……sometimes the calling comes from inside and we need to listen to it……wonderful to know about you and your sister…..
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Thanks very much for reading and your thoughts.
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All my good vibes to your sister and to you and the whole fam. It’s a pisser, but she’ll get through.
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Thanks Lorna, much appreciated. I agree, it’s a pisser big time!
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I do hope your sister sails through this, both the treatment, and reaching a successful outcome.
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Many thanks for your good wishes, it’s most appreciated.
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Breast cancer seems to hit so many women of our age Deb – I’m so sorry your sister has become one of them. You’re both blessed to have each other and such a strong sisterly bond and I know you’ll be with her through the whole journey – stay strong xx
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Thanks for your words Leanne x
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Your sister tells her story so beautifully – the emotion coming through every word. I love how you two have such a bond and can’t imagine what a sledgehammer this news must have been for you & your family. Wishing her all the best for surgery next week and the healing that comes afterwards.
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Thanks Jo, I’m on my way to Melbourne tomorrow for the week. x
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Hugs and prayers…
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Many thanks.
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Thoughts and prayers for you and especially for your sister. On my way over to her blog now ♥
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