Decisions, decisions, decisions
What was the best decision I made in 2020?
This was the question posed in a small blogging group I’m involved in. We have come to trust each other and I know I feel entirely comfortable being honest with these friends, most I’ve never met in person, only through Zoom!
2020 has been one of those years hasn’t it?
The question made me stop and think. After mulling it over for a while I decided to be totally honest and share these words.
The best decision I made this year was…..to ask for help.
Help from my family and friends; my physiotherapist; the lovely lady who gives great massages and challenges me during our chats; my blogging cheerleaders and the big one – my therapist, psychologist, counsellor – call her what you will.
Yes I had to ask for professional help this year. I’m not ashamed to say it, but I do feel vulnerable admitting it to you, and to myself for that matter. I’ve been though a lot in my life but it has been a culmination of these events that got me to this point, on top of the year we’ve had!
The year started out well, we were in England visiting our daughter and her family, including little Dottie who was born earlier that year at 25 weeks gestation (that was a traumatic enough event on its own).
Then while we were in cold wintery England, the bushfires back at home came onto our radar and at one stage it seemed we were in serious danger of losing our house, but thankfully the wind changed and we had a house to return home to. Others weren’t so lucky, losing homes, equipment, stock, and in some cases their lives. It was an awful, awful time.
We returned home in mid January to a shell shocked community but in true country style people were bouncing back, helping each other, collecting donations, fundraising for those who had lost everything and helping to rebuild. We’re a resilient lot.
We celebrated 40 years of marriage, welcomed our first grandson into our family and then COVID-19 hit.
With lots of other family and personal health issues emerging during the year, more loss and grief, I found I was struggling, so I reached out for help in the form of counselling sessions with a psychologist over Skype. It was a wise friend who suggested I might benefit from talking to a professional after I had unloaded my worries onto her, and many others also had to put up with me during this time. Luckily I have supportive friends.
And she was right. It has helped and is still helping me.
I know I’m strong, but I just couldn’t keep going the way I was feeling. I was stressed and miserable although I tried to soldier on – I’m one of those people pleaser, eldest daughter types, when all is said and done! It’s been a tough decade in lots of ways and I was grieving for so many things.
I am learning how to look at my problems in a different way, not catastrophising things so much, not thinking too far ahead, dealing with what I can and not asking ‘Why?’ all the time. Sometimes the asking ‘why’ would send me down a rabbit hole I couldn’t come out of and with no real clear answer anyway.
It’s certainly been an interesting time and I’m writing this to let you know we can all benefit from asking for help sometimes. It’s not being weak.
I am real, I’m vulnerable and I’m being honest with myself.
So what would your answer to the question be?
Thanks for being with me this year and I hope we can continue our friendship into 2021.
Joining Denyse for #lifethisweek with the prompt of Decision on 8/2/2021
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A tragic accident at age 17, resulting in a Bravery Award from the Queen, didn’t deter Debbie from travelling the world. A young retiree, after being made redundant from her 22 year career managing education programs in a men’s correctional centre, she now loves reading, blogging, riding her ebike and a good cup of tea! Also known as Granny Debs to her 4 grandchildren.
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