What has being a mother got to do with the weather?
As it was Mother’s Day here yesterday, there were lots of messages, gifts, flowers, visits, cards and thoughts floating around the atmosphere.
Mothers were held up as being almost saintlike and kind words were attributed to mothers everywhere.
Whether they were true or not.
My sister wrote an interesting post about being a mother after reading a story about the way society, and social media in particular, have portrayed motherhood as something else entirely.
The article can be found here: Motherhood Project aims to capture authentic take on being a new mum
As my sister comments: When did we stop normalising the unpretty aspects of parenting? Does any mother of young children imagine, when she sees images of others’ lives, that they don’t have unpretty moments as well? That their two-year old doesn’t have temper tantrums that can last for hours? That their toddler, being introduced to a new food, doesn’t spit it out or wipe it over every surface they can find? That their three year old hasn’t ever picked up a crayon and drawn all over the walls with it?
I’ve also read a few other posts highlighting the ‘imperfections’ of mothers and I can certainly relate to them! I have not, and never will be, a perfect anything, let alone a perfect parent. I tried my best, but I know that sometimes my best wasn’t good enough, and hey, that’s life! We’re still standing 🙂
My mother is a good mother but, like me, she’s not perfect, neither are my sister or my daughters. But as long as we have our children’s best interests at heart, most of the time, we should be able to forgive ourselves and move on. Sadly some of us can’t do that. Is it a case of the world expecting perfection or the pressure we put on ourselves I wonder?
My three daughters are now mothers themselves and I try to provide mothering support from afar, not advice as such, usually just a listening ear. I don’t live that close to any of them but with social media, we are in contact most days.
I try to keep my worries to myself. I know things but I understand they must move through this ‘weathering’ in their own way, like I did and the millions of mothers before us have done.
This Facebook post from the Australian Breastfeeding Association resonated with me yesterday and got me thinking about writing this post. In my early days as a mother I relied on Nursing Mothers for help and support and went on to become a volunteer Breastfeeding Counsellor. I also supported my daughters to make contact with them when they needed extra support, and I joined them up as members when they first became mothers – whether they had planned to breastfeed or not.
What did I know?
My introduction to mothering was quite fittingly, through my (younger) sister, apart from my own mother of course, but it wasn’t until I had my first daughter at age 22, that I realised the ultimate life changing moment that it was. And yes, as I went on to have my next two daughters, it became a case of ‘weathering the storm’. My children weren’t called ‘search and destroy’ for nothing!
Weather the storm = come through a time of great difficulty without too much damage
Source
Mothering is like the weather
Mothering is very much like the weather – sometimes it’s a balmy spring day, then suddenly a storm rolls through and it’s all drama, then there are the boring grey days but sometimes we get that cloudless blue sky sort of weather when it all just comes together. And then there are the rainbow days, when something beautiful comes out of the darkness.
No answers
I don’t have any answers about how to weather things in life but I just continue to muddle my way through and try to make the best of things. Writing helps too.
I’m continually grateful for the opportunities to learn from my mistakes, my imperfections and my challenging thoughts – some days are better than others.
I do know that I value the expertise and honesty of mothers and I appreciate being able to spend time with my mother and my daughters.
Here are a few photos of mum and I enjoying a High Tea in Tumbarumba on Mother’s Day. I know, compared to others around the world, that we are lucky to be able to be together and celebrate at all.
Thinking of all those who can’t be with their mothers for whatever reason. Also I am aware of those who have lost their mothers and in particular my thoughts go to my husband and his sister who lost their mum, my MIL, last December, so this is the first Mother’s Day without her – and there are many around the world in similar situations. It’s another storm to weather.
Sunday Stills and Life this week
Weather is the prompt for Terri’s #sundaystills this week and I’ve certainly taken it in a different direction than what was probably intended!
I look forward to seeing the posts from others linking up to Terri’s Sunday Stills, featuring weather in all sorts of ways. I’ve also joined in with Denyse for her #lifethisweek prompt of knowing, I think ‘weather’ and ‘knowing’ are a good blend!
Knowing
Thanks for stopping by!
Debbie 🙂
All my Sunday Stills posts can be found here
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Everyone has a story to tell! Deb is a young-at-heart & active 60+ blogger/retiree, after being made redundant from her 22-year career managing education programs in a men’s correctional centre (jail). She now spends her time reading, blogging, riding her ebike and travelling. Deb was awarded a Bravery Award from the Queen when she was 17 after a tragic accident – a definite life changing moment! She is married with 3 grown-up daughters & has 4 grandchildren. She never imagined being Granny Debs would bring so much joy to her life! You can read more of Deb’s story here
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Hi Deb I’m not sure how my children actually survived as I knew nothing about motherhood. I do think also that there is quite a lot of pressure on new mums to be perfect back then in our generation and even more so for the current generation of Mums because they have to contend with social media. How lovely for you to have your Mum and share a High Tea on Mother’s Day. As usual , Rachel and I ran in the Mother’s Day Classic and it was so lovely spending time with her and honouring Mum xx
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I’m with you Sue!! How my kids survived is a miracle to me, so much has changed these days. There seems to be a lot of pressure on parents, that I never felt. I’m so fortunate to have mum nearby now to spend time with her. Well done on running with Rachel, you are both inspiring.
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You approached this topic with much eloquence, Debbie! Comparing motherhood to weather is inspired and also quite true! Like you write, some days with children are like a balmy, spring day then the hurricane comes and tears everything down, at least that’s what it feels like after a storm. How wonderful you spent tea with your mom, and yes, I feel the sting of missing my mom and MIL at once. It had been a while since we had spent an actual mother’s day with either of them, but knowing they are gone makes it hurt a tiny bit. I’m grateful my daughters call me regularly, and in an ironic twist, will be seeing them in early June as we attend a family funeral in Oregon. We need to make the most of our lives, cherish all moments, good and bad and keep those weathered memories close! Have a wonderful, blessed week!
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Oh thank you Terri, that’s a lovely thing to say. You just miss your mum and MIL especially at these times. Yes I agree we need to make the most of our lives, it’s always a mix so enjoy the good days and ride out the not so good ones.
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Lovely post Deb. You’ve got it spot on with the changing weather. I never knew what might set my son off at any moment, and now my grandson is a replica! My daughter is in for a turbulent few years.
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Thanks Alison, it’s a special time and always changing like the weather!!
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Lovely thoughts! 💗
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I felt the need to write them down Carol.
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A wonderful, honest and heart warming post about (weathering) Motherhood. I was 21 the first time round and whilst I had always loved babies and kids one of my own was a HUGE difference. Glad I wrote about it (and her brother’s story) in Telling My Story. I judge myself pretty harshly really as a Mum because I didn’t love much of it, preferring to go back to teaching. At least I am honest, hey!
Lovely scenes with your Mother yesterday.
Denyse.
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Thanks Denyse, I do try to be honest too when sharing my thoughts so I’m glad you enjoyed this post. I used to judge myself harshly as a mother, but as I’ve got older I’ve realised I did ok.
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As you know I’m not a mother and my sense (solely from social media) is that people share the good – the cute stuff kids do and say and the happy moments; or the bad stuff – when kids are misbehaving, sick or going through some sort of stage and being a nightmare for parents. I think it’s rare to see the day to day ups and downs of parenting.
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Yes I agree with you Deb, it’s rare to see the day to day sort of parenting portrayed honestly.
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I agree that motherhood can be compared to the weather! Oh the ups and downs and trials and tribulations over the years. My introduction to motherhood was not by having a firstborn but by having firstbornS. I had twins. I don’t believe any Mother is perfect but my Mother provided me with a wonderful example of what being a Mother should be. BTW those are gorgeous photographs of you with your Mother Deb. Happy Mother’s Day to you both.
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Hi Deb – when I think of my mothering skills I always come back to the quote (that my daughter sent me several years ago) that says: “There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way.” I think that sums it all up for me. Also the fact that the offspring we produced are leading full and thriving lives and parenting better than we did is a gold star I’m happy to accept 🙂
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For you on Mothers Day 💐🌹🌺
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You do indeed weather parenthood, and I have to say, as difficult and exhausting as it can be at times, it is worth it all for the happy times, even if that’s not always easily seen.
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Great post. I’ve come to dislike mother’s day because I’m not the mother on the cards or the ads. I’m an imperfect mother and person, and it’s good to hear that I’m not the only one 🙂
Thanks, and glad you could have tea with your mum. Looking forward to day like that with my girls when we get out of Covid.
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Weathering that seems to be on point. I’m the mother on the Mother’s Day Card that probably fits the Humor section, not the big 6-dollar card that looks like a pop-up rose garden with gold letters. Hey m the carton water colors one, weathering indeed. I feel you on the social media posts and people loving it 24-7 posting the perfect ideal and it being all Mary Poppins and me thinking c’mon now get out a here. That’s probably why I don’t go on there much can’t deal with window dressing too much. I always have problems at least once a week!! But exercise and taking a minute of quiet in the morning and a night really helps when the tank is on empty. Thanks for the post! Hope you had a good weekend
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Lovely post Deb. They say that motherhood is the most difficult job in the world, yet the most satisfying and that’s true. It’s also a lifelong one, even though my kids are now grown up with kids of their own I still worry about them, and while it is hard not to try and solve any problems they come up against, they have to learn through experience and the most helpful thing we can do is offer support and advice.
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Motherhood, it’s quite a journey isn’t it? We do the best we can. Love your high tea photos!
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Deb I love this post. It’s a very honest tribute to Mums on Mothers Day. It can definitely be a tough but wonderful gig. I do struggle with the day so made the decision for my own mental health, to ignore it. My Mum and my children all live away from me so it’s easy done. I do love a high tea!
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Many thanks Jen, it’s full of ups and downs that’s for sure! I’m a huge fan of high tea now 🙂
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Great post. Dare I say it’s the perfect post to embrace the imperfection that being a mother is. The bottom line is the relationship we have with or children is essentially that – a relationship with all the ups and downs that go with that. I love love love the images.
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That means a lot to me Jo :). Thank you x
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Great post Deb. I love when my DIL posts pictures of their family with all their warts. It is so true, family life and mothering is a learning experience all life long.
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Thanks very much Carla, it’s all a learning experience!
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Thanks so much for linking up for Life This Week, reading the post on Knowing by my husband Bernard and for your kind words. He tells me, despite earlier thoughts, that he would like another go at this blog thing sometime this year. Looking forward to seeing your post for Share Your Snaps (optional of course!) next Monday, 17 May 2021. Denyse
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Thank you Denyse, it was a great prompt and combining it with Sunday Stills made sense to me! I really enjoyed Bernard’s interview and his articulate thoughts, he sounds like a wonderful man. You are both very lucky.
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I loved this post Deb. What a great analogy of motherhood and the weather. It’s oh so true. I often think that I am so glad social media wasn’t as popular when my girls were little. So many pressures by all the “pretty” we see….we don’t see enough behind the scenes. Same is true for all relationships in life.
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Many thanks Kirstin, it really appealed to me as I sat down to write the post. Yes social media has a lot to answer for and I don’t envy young ones growing up with it these days!
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